E + R = O:  This is my formula for a truly joyful holiday season!

The holidays have a way of amplifying everything—joy, nostalgia, connection, and yes, the occasional frayed nerve.

Over the years, I’ve learned that the difference between a season that feels genuinely joyful and one that feels overwhelming comes down to my ability to deploy this very simple, but powerful, formula: E + R = O.

Originally popularized by Jack Canfield and later embraced by a wide range of leadership and performance coaches, the equation stands for Event + Response = Outcome.

I adopted it years ago, and although I’m highlighting now it especially for the holiday season, it’s something I deploy year-round. Truly—it's with me all the time.

When you focus on the only part you can truly influence—your response—you transform not just the moment, but the entire experience.

It’s the quiet little secret that makes the holidays (and daily life) lighter, warmer, and really far more enjoyable.

And what’s remarkable is how deeply this aligns with our biology.

Survival of the friendliest

We’re often taught that life rewards the toughest or the most dominant, but the book Survival of the Friendliest by Brian Hare and Vanessa Woods paints a far more inspiring picture.

Drawing on decades of research in evolutionary anthropology and behavioral science, they reveal that humans evolved not through aggression, but through cooperation, empathy, trust, and social connection.

Our nervous systems—our health, even our longevity—respond best when we feel safe, supported, and connected.

The holidays put this into sharp focus.

Whether you adore every moment with your family (as I do) or find certain dynamics… let’s say invigorating (!), this time of year is the perfect opportunity to practice friendliness as a strength. Curiosity over criticism. Softness instead of reactivity. Connection over being right.

This is where E + R = O becomes your true superpower.

This simple equation can change everything...

Holiday traffic, delayed flights, kitchen chaos, competing traditions, stressful moments, or some other unsolicited commentary—these are the events. Some are predictable; others land out of nowhere.

But your response? That’s where your influence lies.
A slow breath. A pause before reacting. A gentle boundary. A moment outside. Choosing not to internalize someone else’s mood.

This isn’t just something I use over the holidays—it’s the tool I rely on daily. In work, parenting, relationships, and the unexpected curveballs of life.

And the more you practice, the easier it becomes to steer the outcome toward ease, kindness, and connection.

Each intentional response shapes the outcome—the tone of the room, the depth of the connection, the joy you actually feel.

These small shifts don’t just influence interactions; they change how you relate to the day itself, including food.

Food as connection—and as information

Holiday meals often stir up old patterns: guilt, perfectionism, overthinking, or resignation.

But here’s where E + R = O beautifully intersects with one of my core principles: food is information.

Every choice you make sends biochemical signals that influence your energy, inflammation, blood sugar, mood, and more.

Let’s take one simple, very real scenario: someone offers you something you know won’t make you feel great.

The event is the same—but your response determines the outcome.

Here are four possible responses:

1. “Oh no, I shouldn’t…”
   This is the classic response—one I hope, if you’ve worked with me before, you’re no longer using.  For two reasons - firstly, it’s no way to move through your life, and second, it simply doesn’t work. It almost always invites more pressure...it tends to elicit responses such as:
   “Why not? It’s the holidays! Live a little!”
   Suddenly you’re defending your choice or feeling pulled off track.

2. “Oh no, that’ll make me feel terrible…”
   Honest? Yes. Helpful? Not necessarily!
   This can unintentionally make the host feel judged or irritated. Their dish becomes the problem. You become the “difficult” one. Everyone feels a little off. The energy in the room shifts.

3. You eat it and say nothing.
   Sometimes it feels like the easiest option in the moment. If this is your response, I simply encourage you to notice how you feel afterward. That’s valuable information.
   And rather than slipping into the old “I’ve blown it—may as well wait until January 1st” spiral, remember: you can respond differently next time.
   And more importantly, you can reset as soon as you wake up the next day.
   One choice doesn’t undo a season’s worth of care. It’s just data—use it to inform your next response.

4. “Thank you! I actually brought a dessert—I’d love you to try it.”
   This shifts everything.
   You intrigue the person.
   You take the lead.
   You stay aligned with what makes you feel good.
   You’ve chosen the ingredients, the quality, the flavors.
   You’ve navigated the moment with ease, warmth, and confidence.

Same event.
Four very different responses.
Four very different outcomes—for your body and your relationships.

This is food as information in real time—using E + R = O as a tool for grounded, confident choices.

Practices that keep the season joyful (& peaceful!)

• Start with intention. A grounding moment in the morning influences everything that follows.

• Create micro-pauses. A breath between stimulus and response can change the entire interaction.

• Choose connection. You don’t have to agree with someone to appreciate them.

• Reflect with kindness. Notice what felt good, what surprised you, and what you want to carry forward.

The real secret to truly happy holidays (& life in general!)

Joy isn’t luck. It’s cultivated—moment by moment—through the responses we choose and the connections we prioritize.

When you pair E + R = O with the understanding that humans thrive through warmth and friendliness—not force or perfection—you reshape the entire season.

Not just surviving.
Actually enjoying.

A holiday—and a life—rooted in connection, calm, nourishment, and genuine ease.

TL;DR

The holidays amplify everything—joy, nostalgia, stress, and family dynamics.

The simple equation E + R = O (Event + Response = Outcome) is the formula I use year-round to stay grounded, connected, and intentional. It pairs beautifully with the idea that food is information and helps you navigate both interactions and food choices with ease.

Combined with the principles from Survival of the Friendliest—that humans thrive through connection and warmth—this formula becomes your most powerful tool for creating a genuinely joyful holiday season.